The Tao of Skippy: Book I
Talking To Yourself Is Another Form Of Meditation
This is going to be one of those series of blog post where I talk about personal & touchy-feely crap. So if that’s not your style you should leave now. Don’t worry, I will not hold it against you. I hate touchy-feely. I had a long conversation with myself one day and figured a few things out. Maybe some of these will ring true for you. Or maybe you can just laugh at me.
I’ll either enlighten you or entertain you. Just so long as I’m the centre of attention we will get along fine.
I have conversations with myself. Serious. No kidding. I mean I answer myself and often I don’t know what I’m going to say. I’m either insane or evolved beyond the rest of you.
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Skippy: Self Portrait.
By the way, people who know me or even read this blog should know that I’m not a serious guy. My blog posts have humour and sarcasm in them. I’m totally serious about everything in this post. Totally, totally cereal. Oh crap – that was a joke. Okay, but no more jokes from here out.
I was talking with myself today and I discovered a few things. Do any of these speak to you?
Deadlines are good. Especially when they are final. I’m going on a road trip and I had this list of things that “had to be done” before I left in the name of progress and productivity. I’m all for progress and productivity. You have to have those things or your life is static. Stagnant. When I was in the Army our platoon leader Lt. Cochran had two sayings I’ve come to appreciate and try to live by.
“Fish can’t thrive in stagnant water.”
“Comfort kills.”
This post isn’t about either of those ideas and yet this post is about both of those ideas.
As the day of road tripping got closer I became more frantic and more demanding of myself to get things done. Then today, 24 hours before road time, I found I could just let it all go. I spent three hours drinking coffee and talking to myself. And I was fine with that. I realized I couldn’t get everything done in the time left and I became centred on what was important. In this case what was important was understanding where I am in life emotionally and in my relationships with the world & people around me.
I wonder if this is what dying is like.
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A home is left empty after death.
The kind of dying where you know it’s coming. You know it’s slipping away and you can strip away all the things that aren’t going to matter in those last moments. Leave them behind and move towards that one thing that is going to make a difference.
While in this contemplative state with coffee close at hand I realized that I have learned to send things out into the cosmos without expecting anything in return.
It use to be that I did nice things for people with an expectation of getting something back. Usually getting something back instantly. Often getting something back of more value than what I had given. This is an unrealistic world view. I know people who have this world view. I can recognize it because I’ve been there. These people are usually sleazy. I’m pretty certain that means I was sleazy as well.
I don’t like using words like “mature” and “adult” when talking about myself but I think I’m a bit closer to those states these days. I’ve noticed that over the last few months I’ve been doing things for others and walking away without waiting for or even looking for the payback. Don’t misunderstand. I’m not claiming I’m a saint. Nor am I claiming I am altruistic. Altruism is bullshit. Yes you read that right. Altruism = Bullshit. I still have my cynicism. I’m still looking out for myself and my goals. I have not been taken over by an alien or anything. I am only claiming that I’ve gotten better at letting go of emotional and physical attachments. Better. Not perfect. Just better than I was.
Sometimes being better than you were is good enough. You have to be self-aware to know where you were and where you are. Sometimes I locate myself via mediation and sometimes I locate myself by having a long talk with me.
Maybe you should invite yourself out for coffee and conversation one morning. You might meet someone new. You might make some discoveries about yourself. You might amuse the people around you as you talk to yourself.
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